Some thoughts as another phase of life looms near …

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately. What was, what is and what has not yet come to pass (yes a LOTR quote). And on this, the last few days of my 30s, reevaluating life and some nostalgia are a part of the transition I suppose.

When I was little, 20 sounded amazing. That’s when you have fun … That’s when everying is new and exciting. Looking back, I know now, that it is also the time when you are the most confused about everything in life. Who you are, where you’re going … Social pressures and deadlines … By the time I reach 30, I have to accomplished a,b or c … It was a fun time, but I was thrilled when my 30s rolled around.

I turned 30 and threw a big party for myself. It was going to be an amazing decade. I was still finding myself and until I turned 35, I was still looking … For something to ground me, to make me grow up. I went back to school, thinking that would be the answer but alas, apart from meeting wonderful people, nothing came out of that. Then my dad got sick and the 7 months that followed made me the person I am today. Although all things shape us throughout our lives, nothing made me want to live more than seeing my father dying. Others saw that time as a negative moment in time, but I don’t see it that way. Although I miss him every day, my dad’s death woke me up to something very real and very imminent. Life is short … We are not here for long and we have to grab every single instant we can. And we have to enjoy it.

So 2 weeks after his death, I bought a condo and moved in a few months later. At the same time, I met my one true love … My little kitty Mimi, who has been the one constant companion I was always looking for. I love her more than i thought was even possible and during those times when all i want to do is cry, she will do something that makes me laugh. I learned to cook and clean for myself … I learned to pay bills and I learned what it’s like to be dumped and to be jobless, the latter of which occurred the day before I moved into my new home. So needless to say my late 30s have taught me everything I need to know about the possible trials and tribulations of life. And yet I keep learning.

So my 40s are days away now and I wonder what I can expect. If my mom lives a fairly long life, we will probably lose her at some point in the next decade. If we’re lucky, she’ll still be around for my 50th birthday, but realistically, I suspect this is the last decade i will spend with her. So I have chosen to spend a lot of time with her. Some people think I was pathetic for living with my parents well into my 30s, but truth be told, I wouldn’t have traded my time with them for anything in the world. Because everything has its time and that was ours, together.

I am hoping for more quality time with everyone I love. Besides my sis and brother in law, my friends are my family. I love them all and I hope the next decade means more good times and shared special moments. I am hoping that work continues to be a small part of my life … A place that I go to in order to pay my bills … My job has never, and will never define me. We are so much more than that.

I hope I get to spend more time doing the things I love … The things that keep me feeling young and excited about life. Right now, it’s all about conventions and hanging out with my fellow geeks … A community that accepts my craziness and quirkiness for what it is. I hope my fundraising continues because giving back to the world is the way to keep good karma on your side … What goes around, comes around. I hope I never lose the ability to get excited about little things in life … The new awesome movie coming out or treating myself to a manicure.

Finally, in a reveal for most of you (or maybe you already knew), this will most likely be my final decade in north America. By 50, I will be living in my beloved UK, which I have dreamt about since I was a child. It is the place where I left my soul … Probably in another life. It calls to me daily …. Reaches out to me in so many ways. It will probably be the most courageous thing I will ever do in my life, but I can’t live here, when my soul is somewhere else. It’s time body and soul met. It’s time they lived as one.

So with that, dear friends, my 30s are on their way out and my 40s make their way in. I will be travelling on the day of my bday, which is my favourite thing in the world to do. A girls’ weekend with one of my favourite people in the world. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate. And when I get back, life will go on as normal. Except everything will have changed. Everything …

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